I wrote this because of a writers block.

I face this feeling only every now and then, the writers block. it's like my body has given up (apathy) despite that my mind has not.

Or like the left side of my machine fails to communicate even remotely with my right. during which, within a furnace enshrouded with the machines most archaic umbra, a little flame flickers brightly. An unparalleled spark of shear resplendence, and yet my brain fails. falling limp. the spark then ends, reduced to an incomplete, disemboweled sack of ashes.

It's only ever happened a few times and always for the same reason. The pattern is flagrant and it's un****ing believably ironic.

A failure to reconcile with an individual in the past.

A girl Who I've (unwittingly) overcome incredible obstacles with only to find an unrequited land not dissimilar to nirvana on the other side. in other words, I've done the impossible, worthy enough to satisfy one's most sincere and heartfelt dreams, dreams which she happened to communicate to me in the midst of it all. if i were to openly express this, however, it would only serve to eradicate it's sincerity. this coming from an individual who simply can't shut the fuck up.

due to an unspoken misunderstanding and my own arrogance I've forsaken myself and found my place in the annals of anonymity and forever, despite my accomplishments, i will remain here. this, i've come to accept. when all arguments starve to be explained in their entirety, and like many I desperately and shamelessly grasp at opportunities to clarify myself, there are a select few that depend greatly and truly so, despite one's expectations, on small seemingly insignificant details. i also know, that even if these were to be explained, after the fact, it's too late to find anything beyond reconciliation with the past.

Being aware of my situation, in itself, only serves to further the divide. So, in my self imposed exile, i try to find redemption, even if only in my own mind... HOWEVER, writers block of a particular kind plagues me.


this poem is addressing the writers block.